ATTENDANCE – The phenomena of being physically present but mentally absent. This usually happens in a room full of people who resemble your species. They are (in their heads) doing exactly what you are.
We don’t care if you score a 90 in end-semester exams or not, but we want those 5 marks for full attendance. 5 marks for 95+, 4 for 90+ and the drill goes on! This is the wizardly business that would help you pass the exams. Just remember! 5 DAMN MARKS.
I usually have no clue what the professor is talking about. I will pretend that I am paying attention. I know each and everything you said, or at least I can pretend to do so unless the professor asks me questions. Which would eventually lead to me getting kicked out of the classroom. Reason being – I was not paying attention.
The explanation to this is:
With time, you get so used to nodding your head on everything that teacher says while staring blankly into their eyes pretending you are paying attention. I guess this is pretty much all you learn sitting in the class. You wait for the time when the professor will actually start making sense. But deep down you know it is like wishing for the Aliens to finally arrive on the Earth.
Now comes the Atom Bomb. On the very first day of college, usually known as the orientation day, the announcement is made very clear. “Attendance for each lecture would be taken separately.” This does not end here. They have spare ammunition as well. So they will not stop the sentence, some more onion juice in eyes of these little kids would be better to enjoy!
“This isn’t school. Do not think that attendance would be taken in the morning and you will be done. You will have to sit for each lecture”. Rather kill me.
This is a state of human mind where he believes he is a super-human. He thinks that he can conquer the world. It is a complete cake-walk. He must come out of this delusion I insinuate.
The list is as follows:
You sit in the corner. Yes, I am talking about the corner near the exit door. Then you scream “present” stating your replete presence in the class. As soon as two-three roll numbers pass, you briskly, gingerly, leave! There is a covert move behind this whole performance. You have to make sure that you are not carrying your bag. And if you are, you relinquish it out of the classroom before entering inside.
You wait for the professor to start the lecture. After some time you realize that he is now in his flow. You get up from your seat, act you are about to puke. Trust me on this, the professor will himself do the honor of opening the door for you!
You keep the windows of your classroom open and jump out.
When you are so done with pulling these stunts on your own, you go for this amazing thing called ‘proxy’. But wait, you can only avail this benefit if you were not an asshole to the CR throughout the semester.
You realize that you still aren’t fit for these escapades, and you need to work on your potential of enduring these stunts. Then you decide to go for those lame-ass-excuses.
I just got a call from the Administrative block. One of the (not so important official, how does it matter that he thinks he is) official called and I have to leave immediately.
“I have an engagement with the dean.” Hah! Try to stop me, lady!! Yeah, you heard me right. I said, “DEAN.”
I am not feeling well, Can I leave?
I need to fill my water bottle or else I would die of thirst. This one usually ends up in the student never returning to the class that entire semester.
The authorities are their level-best non-cooperative. Its like they are getting paid to not give you attendance. Apart from not being present in the class, they have their own ways of divesting you of the attendance, the attendance that you earned barely being able to survive those 45 minutes in that classroom.
They have all the authorization to mark you absent if:
- You are found talking in the class while the prof is teaching.
- You did not answer a question because you were busy putting your energy into pretending to pay attention.
When you are finally at peace, realizing that these things are not working anymore, you segregate the things you think are worry-worthy and decide to actually give two shits about. Hence, you decide to just let it be. You understand the thrust of life. “Infatuations are Illusions”. There is no need to attend lectures now. It is time to go to the mountains and be a monk. God will punish those evil humans who are troubling me. Nobody would be forbidden.
The funny part is – You pay for college fee. Then you go for classes. When you get exhausted, you skip classes. And. In case. you are short of attendance, you again pay money to appear for the bloody exams.
“Why don’t they understand that if we want to learn something, why would we come to college?”
Nobody but the students understand how hard it is to reach the class on time. There are way more prolific things to do in life. While you are having your food and you realize that there are only 5 minutes left for the class to start. You decide to start this journey called “Ride or Die”. In this journey, what basically you have to do is, leave everything on the table as it is. It does not make a difference to the world if you are hungry, or maybe dying. You need to pull your pants up and start running. Keep running till you make it to the class.
You are running. Trying your level best to reach in time. ‘Will the professor let me in? Would I still be alive at the end of this marathon? Should I call my family once and talk to them for one last time? Oh lord, please bless me.’
AH! Reached! Yess! I made it! I feel on top of the world! But wait, why is the door locked? What is happening? I should check time.
———————————————————WTF is happening?———————————————————
How the hell did I get 2 minutes late?
And then you realize that you have not achieved anything in life. You are still the potato you thought you were. You feel sad about your existence. But, nobody should forget that there is always a ray of hope. Where is the damn window?
“Sir, can I come in, please?” You say as you peep inside the classroom.
“No. This is no party hall. You should maintain some decor. What is so important in your life that you can’t even come to class on time?”
This is the statement that opens those dimensions of your mind you did not have the knowledge about. Suddenly you perceive that you have a full bloody list of those ‘important’ things the professor is talking about.
Some of them being – Watching Netflix, Playing PS4, Going out for the new releases, sleeping peacefully in the room (being the most important one), and last but not the least, the ‘important’ thing you were missing so that you could attend the lecture –
Food. NEVER MIND.
You think – how can you let all the hardwork of finally making it to the class in vain?
Then comes the biggest lie that would defeat the purpose of you being present there.
“Sir, I am not here for attendance, Can I sit for the class now?”
– Anjali Chaudhary
Content Writer at Legal Bites